You may have heard about it. You may know someone who’s part of it. Hell, you might be part of it.

It’s called the Expensive Sandwich Club, and only the douchiest of douchebags are in it. What does a turkey sandwich cost? Let’s make that a turkey sandwich with the condiments and such, and put it on a bagel. That’d be, what, $3.50-4? It’s hard to believe and may leave you stunned like a protestor tazed at a political college event, but some people enjoy paying more than this for their sandwiches.

Let’s take a pleasant trip to a fine neighborhood known as Greenwich Village. Home to pretentious artists and fat cheese connoisseurs, the Village is also the center of the Expensive Sandwich Club. Guess how much that same sandwich is here. You’ll be dropping 8 to 9 fat ones, even 10 if you’re pure dick, for a god damn motherfucking sandwich.

Let’s compare the different between these two sandwiches.

Cheaper sandwich: Ordinary bagel, turkey, mayo, other optional condiments, lettuce, tomato.

Expensive sandwich: Rustic bagel imported from Italy, royal Swedish turkey, mayo extracted from a Hawaiian volcano, optional condiments (extra $5), lettuce imported and hand selected from Iceland, even nastier tomato.

Why the fuck would you pay more for this blatant bullshit. Does it make you feel better afterwards knowing that you’ve eaten a bunch of imported bullshit that tastes the same? Or does it make you feel good knowing you dropped that much for a sandwich, therefor making people assume you have money? I feel even better spending my $4 and having money left over for, wait, can you guess? That’s right, another fucking sandwich. I get two while your pretentious ass gets one.

FUCK. YOU.

And don’t complain afterwards because you can’t afford gum for the next week. That’s your fault, take that into account, and buy something decently priced next time.

If something’s more expensive, it doesn’t means it’s healthier. It means you’re a cunt.